When the Giants Come to Town, It's Bye-Bye Baby

08.14.2007
Under a Groove

P.M. UPDATE: The Giants have signed 1st-round draft pick Wendell Fairley, a high schooler from Mississippi. He was the team’s third pick overall and signed for $1 million. Their second pick Tim Alderson came to terms a few weeks ago, which leaves their top pick, high school LHP Madison Bumgarner. Apparently Bumgarner wants $2.3 million to match the bonus the Dodgers gave Clayton Kershaw, the top LHP in last year’s draft, or else he’ll play junior college ball for a year.

If he’ll be as good as Kershaw, only 19 and already in double-A, pay the kid, dammit. But that’s unknowable. There’s a good chance the Giants will call his bluff; if he doesn’t sign, they’ll get another pick at the same slot (#10) next year in addition to their regular picks. The deadline is late Wednesday night.

***

No one has yet produced “Giants Nation!” T-shirts or bumperstickers, as far as I can tell. But what with all the wailing from (and about) the besieged Red Sox Nation these days, I’ve got sports “nations” on my brain. Red Sox Nation, Raider Nation, Niner Nation, Hyber Nation, Joe Nathan Nation, not to mention Nation’s Giant hamburgers, which my younger brother, who knows a thing or two about meat, says are nasty. I’ve never been, so don’t sue me. It’s just one well-informed meat guy’s opinion.

I’m tired of all these Nations, as if any group of people united around an illusory, unreciprocated passion for a locker-roomful of sweaty mercenaries can emotionally approximate a distinct geographical entity bound by a constitution, a heavily-patrolled border, or the bootylicious need to get down just for the funk of it. (President Clinton, indeed.)

I’m making a pre-emptive strike, similar to my behavior when I see teenagers run back and forth in the first row of the bleachers trying to incite the crowd into doing the wave:

Hey, kid! No waves in the bleachers! Take that weak crap back to L.A.!

(If vocals don’t work, a wee bit of popcorn might. But nothing heavier, please.)

Consider this a piece of popcorn aimed at your head: We are not a Giants Nation. Call us faithful, stubborn, stupid, starry-eyed, or fierce. Call us glorifying sheep, or call us defiant. With the existence of places like this and this and maybe this, you could even call us a community. But please don’t call us a Nation. I’m not sure what’s better: The Giant Diaspora? The Giant Critical Mass? Whatever happened to “fan base”? In times like these, should we even bother reaching for a collective noun to wrap around our shoulders? How about just a paper bag over our heads?

If you absolutely, positively had to put a bumpersticker on your car, what phrase would you use?



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[August 14, 2007 3:55 PM]  |  link  |  reply
bigO said

It must include the word "faithful." As in the NorCal Faithful or something like that. Hell, remember that Faith is belief in something that is not based on proof or has not been seen (and by God it's a stretch to have Faith in our Giant's immediate future). Of course it could just as easily be "blind faith." Will our faith be rewarded?

[August 14, 2007 4:05 PM]  |  link  |  reply
the gene hackman said

giants category: 'Bah Humbug Baby'

open category: 'One Less Fixie'

[August 14, 2007 4:14 PM]  |  link  |  reply
obsessivegiantscompulsive said

I've always been partial to "Giants Fanatic" :^)

[August 14, 2007 5:03 PM]  |  link  |  reply
GiantsDwarf said

I'm A Giants Fan...Fuck

[August 14, 2007 5:41 PM]  |  link  |  reply
Boof said

What about Lefty Malo Nation?

[August 14, 2007 5:47 PM]  |  link  |  reply
the gene hackman said

pueblo malo?

[August 14, 2007 6:08 PM]  |  link  |  reply
ELM said

La Raza Lefty! Todos juntos! Si se puede! But I digress.

[August 14, 2007 6:54 PM]  |  link  |  reply
the gene hackman said

!viva la raza!

[August 15, 2007 2:04 AM]  |  link  |  reply
Cyrus said

I kinda liked Lunatic Fringe, complete with the "LF" Giants-like logos that some real loonies made.

What are the odds on signing Bumgarner? Fitting that Bumgarner would want to sign for the same as a 'Bum...

[August 15, 2007 2:07 AM]  |  link  |  reply
ELM said

I completely forgot. Of course: "The Lunatic Fringe" is the best ever. Contest over, and of all people Brian Sabean is the winner.

[August 15, 2007 11:45 AM]  |  link  |  reply
Jefferson said

Yep, "Lunatic Fringe" fits all Giants fans in so many ways.

Thanks for expressing your opinion on all the "X Nations." I totally agree with you.

[August 15, 2007 11:46 AM]  |  link  |  reply
Boof said

Chronicle is reporting this morning that Fairley is not signed after all.

[August 15, 2007 12:52 PM]  |  link  |  reply
Mark C. O'Connor said

Lefty, you are one hell of a writer. That illusory--bootylicious--border stuff was damn friggin' funny!

I tell people that being a Giants fan is like having a non-fatal but incurable disease. ("Be a believer in Giants Fever.")

"The Lunatic Fringe" does work so very well, but if we were the "Giants Clan" we could do the Mel Gibson face-paint, kilt and sword bit. On second thought, we'd look like rejects from Lord of the Rings (or Raider Nation). "Lunatic Fringe" it is.

[August 15, 2007 2:56 PM]  |  link  |  reply
Boof said

It is now being reported that Bumgarner & Fairley have signed.

[August 15, 2007 3:00 PM]  |  link  |  reply
trilljester said

I have an official Lunatic Fringe shirt. I wear to most Giants home games. I was asked by a lady selling those tasty bratwursts what it meant, and I explained to her that our GM calls us that. She got a weird look on her face and shrugged and handed me my bratwurst.

[August 15, 2007 3:50 PM]  |  link  |  reply
ELM said

I often wear my "Mays Field!" T-shirt to games, and it draws a lot of puzzled looks. People usually don't go to a ball game to have their conventional wisdoms challenged.

[August 15, 2007 7:06 PM]  |  link  |  reply
trilljester said

Oh, about the bumper sticker:

I'd have the old SF Seals logo with a bag over his head. Text reads:

"Even the Seals weren't this bad. My 2007 San Francisco Giants."

[October 7, 2008 10:34 PM]  |  link  |  reply
fptv said

Nation's is delicious. I don't know what you're talking about. They also have delicious salmon burgers and pie, too.