Whoda thunk? The Giants are tied for the lead in the N.L. West! Ladies and germs, señoras y señores, the Steve Holm Era has begun. Here are a few predictions:
* Tired of the nattering negatrons behind his back, Barry Zito pitches all year like a man with a huge chip on his shoulder, not in his shoulder.
* The year’s first Holm sighting is Sunday against Milwaukee with Zito on the mound. Zito throws a complete-game shutout, declares Holm his “personal catcher-dude” and asks him to take over from Fred Durst as his new wingman.
* Realizing the Ortmeier-Aurilia righty/righty platoon at first base isn’t working so well, the Giants lure J.T. Snow out of retirement. He bats cleanup.
* Two months into the season, the over-under on the ratio of Giants’ runs scored to games played: 2.5 to 1.
* Eugenio Velez, Rajai Davis and Fred Lewis lead the league in getting picked off. They also lead the league in bases stolen after getting picked off.
* Giants’ theme song when a player hits a home run: “Bye Bye Baby.” Giants’ theme song when an opponent hits a ground ball to Velez: “Clang clang clang went the trolley...” (as the Velvet Fog pours into Mays Field…)
* On “This Date in Giants History” for August 7, the team celebrates Jason Ellison’s spectacular diving catch and double play in an 8–1 loss to Houston in 2005.
* The Giants won’t win the division, and we probably won’t be consoled by the consolation prize — finishing ahead of the Dodgers in the standings. However, the Dodgers will be plagued all year by a mysterious skin condition that causes redness, swelling and horrible itching. Even worse for the Blue Crew, Joe Torre will change his mind after two weeks and put Juan Pierre back in the starting lineup.
* The miserable season is redeemed in late September. Just as Peter Magowan & Co. are about to re-sell the ballpark naming rights to the newly combined MicroHoo!Soft, Fritz Maytag steps in, bids one dollar more, and Anchor Park at Mays Field is born. Ahh. Refreshing. Maytag’s only condition: let me take pre-game batting practice with the team on the last day of the season. Bruce Bochy goes one better and bats him cleanup.
Enough tomfoolery. Let’s play ball! Giants 3, Dodgers 2, Dan Ortmeier drives in the winning run with a pinch-hit single off Jonathan Broxton in the 8th inning. You read it here first.
P.S. I jumped the gun in the previous post about minor-league rosters. The players currently listed are from last year. I’ll wait for updated rosters before I comment.
SMALL PRINT UPDATE: On the 40–man roster to the right, the guys on the 25–man are noted with an asterisk. Jose Castillo will earn $650 K as a member of the big squad. And minor-league assignments are unofficial, based on press reports.
