There once was a time when Opening Day set the tone for the entire season if you were 11 years old, a Yankee fan, or a mediocre sports columnist. Not anymore, my little media-saturated friends.
We now have the first preseason game of the year from which to draw broad inferences and inappropriate conclusions. From a game in which a handful of regulars each play a couple innings before giving way to the once-and-future Double-A Chickasaw Lumber Beetles, it's perfectly fine to spread throughout the Internets a mudslide of fear and panic or, if it's yer pleasure, awe and swagger. The Giants begin the Cactus League tomorrow. Here is a handy guide to possible action and the resulting over-reaction:
* Action: Tim Lincecum throws 20 pitches, breaks 90 MPH only once.
Reaction: OMMMGMGMGMGMGGGGG!!!!11!1!!!
* Aubrey Huff hits a 430-foot home run generously aided by a brisk desert wind.
A real cleanup hitter, finally!
* Aubrey Huff hits two 430-foot home runs generously aided by a brisk desert wind.
Early favorites to win the division.
* Fred Lewis doesn't play.
After this article, Fred's not just in the doghouse, he's in the secure undisclosed underground dog-bunker. He will never again set foot in Mays Field wearing the black and orange.
* Edgar Renteria goes 1 for 2.
He's toast!
* Nate Schierholtz doesn't play.
What the hell is Bochy doing? Free Nate! Free Nate!
* Buster Posey goes 1 for 2.
So what if it was a seeing-eye single to right field? Did you see his presence when he ran down the line? The kid has presence. I'll bet his favorite album is Led Zeppelin's Presence, he's got so much presence. He's ready. Fie, Bengie Molina, fie!
* Giants lose 7-0, get outhit 13-3.
WHY DIDNT TEH GIATNS SIGN MAT HALLIDAY??!??!
* Giants win 2-1, execute four perfect sacrifice bunts.
Bruce Bochy and his scrappy squad are showing they can adapt to the kind of game they need to play to win this year. (Bruce Jenkins edition.)
* Giants win 2-1, execute four perfect sacrifice bunts, and wear their new retro stripey socks.
More socks, please!
Got overreactions? Of course you do. Please share.
