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SD 3, SF 1: Same Old Same Old

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I'm already crunching the numbers. The Giants can go 0-18 against the Padres and still win 93 games by, let's see...divide by 7, carry the 3, multiply by runs going 72-42 against everyone else from here on out. Totally doable, especially with the 12 games left against Houston after Lance Berkman is traded in June to the Yankees for Joba Chamberlain.

OMG, I totally forgot to pick my Players of the Week yesterday. Among the moundsmen, I choose Jonathan Sanchez, who pitched on the wrong side of yet another 1-0 loss to Mat Latos and the Padres. Somewhere, Tonya Harding is writing her number inside a matchbook and whispering, "Jonathan, Johnny, Juanito, call me. You won't regret it."

Don't do it, Jonathan. The angels of your better nature say it's always better to let a fastball "slip" when Latos comes to the plate for the first time tomorrow.

Honorable mention to Todd Wellemeyer, who on Friday night finally pitched like a new boy should. Gimme all your lovin, Todd, all your hugs and kisses, too. And kudos to Brian Wilson, you dadgummed sumbitch, who somehow allowed seven baserunners and 20 ounces of Maalox in three innings last week without surrendering a run.

On the batswain side, I choose Andres Torres, 7 for 18 with three walks, four doubles, a triple and a home run. That's a slugging percentage of seven hundred....million. Please please please Bruce Bochy put him in the leadoff spot. Wait, do we have some tape from the clubhouse pre-game show? Boch: "Well, I like the veteran presence Row gives us up top there, [inaudible mumble gargle mumble], and even when he's scufflin' a little, he's a grinder, he gives you professional at-bats."

Aaron Rowand this year is swinging at more balls outside the strike zone than Barry Zito. He has the second-worst plate discipline on the team among regular hitters, trailing only Pablo Sandoval, who's been known to hit non-strikes very hard, though not this month. Aaron Rowand does not have such a reputation in any month. The Giant regular who swings at the fewest pitches outside the strike zone? Lookee here! It's Andy Towers!

Thus, for crissakes, bat Torres leadoff, drop Rowand to sixth, hit Schierholtz second, etc etc. Pretty soon Freddy Sanchez will return and citing from the Book of Short Scrappy Underpowered Bat-Handling Middle Infielders With Surprisingly Low Career OBP, Bochy will bat him second. Fine.  

DeRosa is on the DL, if you haven't heard, and we had the exquisite pleasure of watching his roster replacement Eugenio Velez pinch-hit in a crucial spot in the ninth inning tonight. Thank you sir -- oof -- may I have another?   

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